A Catch 22
When it comes to overcoming mental and emotional health deficits, it’s like a catch 22. With having mental illnesses, and taking psychiatric medications, in order for one to heal emotionally, so they can move forward, and actually move on to have the necessary mental, social and emotional healing they need, to overcome their challenges, they would generally need to not have to take psychiatric medications. This, because with the drug induced disconnect of having an unnatural high from taking the medications, they would then not be able to emotionally connect to their emotions, and feel then to heal. For to heal normally, one needs to feel their damaged emotions, and work their way through them, through therapy or otherwise.
On the other hand, if a mentally ill individual is off their medications, then they would not be in a healthy state of mind mentally, to do what would normally be done in the process of healing their emotions, such as therapy, to overcome these deficits anyway.
If one could heal emotionally, then their mental issues would also follow suit, and would be better managed, or even resolved, but it just doesn’t work this way, for with most individuals who suffer with mental and emotional challenges, this very real barrier has never been overcome. Especially in a case like mine, where my brain has legitimate mental illnesses, as from an injected poison I will be speaking of hereafter.
Others, who just need a better diet, family relationships, friends, and therapy, and/or other more healthy and natural treatments, can get off of or not go the route of medications at all, but for most individuals, and especially for legitimate mental illnesses like mine, meaning a physical brain malfunction, they are most definitely necessary.
It is worth noting here, for further understanding of these medications, that a study done by the University of Utah, showing by scientific experiment, that the same areas and chemicals that are affected in the brain when one feels the Holy Spirit, are the same in the regions and chemicals effected, when one uses drugs, illegal, or otherwise prescribed – psychiatric drugs (a slow release version of such). The difference, is that one is healthy, true and right, namely the Spirit, and the others are unhealthy, not normal, right, nor ethical. In the case of mental illness need, I, as a consumer of psychiatric medications, must do the next right thing, which is to take my medications.
As a consumer of psychiatric medications, I feel it is always naturally harder for me to feel and have love connections with others. This because although the medications I take help me be at a more proper, stable state of mind mentally, by stimulating and altering my brain, it is not a natural, but drug induced high. I don’t have the actual, stable, mental, or emotional grounding beneath me to stand upon, and so it is very difficult for me to factually, and actually connect emotionally with anyone. Consequently, this has also been a huge contributor to my sexual addiction deficit, and also why I believe I never felt I fit in with the Addiction Recovery Support Groups.
Also, the fact exists, that antipsychotic medications are made from the same sources and substances, as what unlawful drugs are made from, and many mentally ill people use these illegal drugs to “self-medicate.”
The difference is, that these meds, which are strictly controlled, are actually made to be a “slow release” version of these same substances, and sometimes made to be combinations, or “cocktails” of these otherwise illegal drugs, not prescribed by Doctors as medications.
Another factor, is that these drugs in their illegal use form, which send a person’s brain chemistry up way too high and fast, and then back down lower than before, are harmful to our brains, and the extremity of their effects are not healthy or good, and can actually cause mental illness problems.
My mind is one, which needs the medications, to stimulate my mind to work at the proper functioning levels, because of the fact of having a truly bonified set of mental illnesses. And these, not stress, nor even street drug induced, for I never took drugs, nor crumbled under the extreme pressures of stress I lived in all growing up. I was in fact, injected in the roof of my mouth with what I believe was a rat poison, which literally gave me 4 of the worst case mental illnesses, and the worst case extremities of them, as well as brain damage, which complicated things exponentially.
I believe this injection would have killed me, except for the miracle I experienced, which only happened because I keep the Lord’s Word of Wisdom, which is the Lord’s health code with covenant promises from Him.
This injection happened when I was 17, and because of being around these demonic people who did this, I was programed and treated very negatively by them all growing up.
So, being all compounded, with all these worst-case scenario mental illnesses, brain damage, emotional baggage, plus having evil spirits having a more direct access to me because of the mental illnesses, having a thinner spiritual veil, where they could directly torment me, and all these combined in the very worst of ways possible, only the Lord knew, and could comprehend my lot and course, and what it would take for recovery in my life. Fortunately for me, with Him, anything is possible! And I mean everything!
It wasn’t until much later, under the direction of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, that I was healed of the brain damage, even to the understanding that I had even had it in the first place. For you see, a person who has brain damage, doesn’t know they have that ailment, because that part of the body which measures self-illness awareness, is the brain, and if it is not working properly, it cannot discern the challenges it faces.
After this brain damage healing miracle occurred, through a priesthood blessing, I became much smarter, more aware of things, more capable, and all around more intelligent, than I could have previously comprehended.
This miracle took place when I was 40 years old, as I was constrained by the Holy Spirit to finally ask for a priesthood blessing to heal my illnesses, for I had previously felt it was not God’s will to ask of this. I also thought the blessing was for the mental illnesses, not knowing about the brain damage.
In the blessing I experienced, something very interesting, miraculous and marvelous occurred, in this phenomenon of my brain damage healing, which is a story for another time. Nevertheless, this healing proved to be a life changer for my entire existence.
However, things did not play out in the way I had expected, for in the blessing were stated these specific words, “To stop taking the medications.” So I did, and then had the experiences I will share here, which eventually led to me finding the solution, at least for me, of emotional healing, despite mental illnesses and Psychiatric medications.
For although the brain damage at this point was completely healed, I went off all my medications, and experienced the following, in which I found the solution to the problem of the Psychiatric Medications Dilemma for myself.
There is a solution, which I found spiritually, in the crucible of a very difficult experience. It was then, when I was off my medications for 3 months, which was the second and last time of going off meds, which occurred in my mental health maintenance experience, each time lasting 3 months exactly, that this occurred.
The first time I was off meds, happened when I lost my medical benefits, and couldn’t afford medications. This literally happened because I married someone who is not “disabled.”
Now, during this second time of no medications, the Lord allowed me to see certain things spiritually, for with mental illness comes having a thinner spiritual veil, and being off of medicines, this veil is even thinner. I could also feel more certain parts of my emotions, because of not being on my medications, which would normally block them. And with God lifting me up, and sustaining me, somewhere in the middle ground, between my mental, spiritual and emotional health, I was in a place where I could function enough, howbeit under very difficult circumstances to endure, being immersed in an enigmatic environment and experience, that I could thus be inspired.
During this duality of environment, both spiritually, emotionally and mentally, it created the proper laboratory of learning and revelation, which for me led to the miraculous blessings of emotional, spiritual and mental healing, all to the degree which I experienced at that time. And it was at this time that I received the following instructions from the Lord, which I will describe here:
While in this state, the Lord provided a way for me to emotionally heal more, although not completely. Nonetheless, this experience did provide me with an understanding of the solution I needed, to fully face this medication/emotional/ mental/human relationship dilemma.
Picture this, say I was carrying some emotional baggage and pain in my body in my back, between my shoulders. The Lord would then take his atoning sacrifice experience, and apply his atoning blood and healing to me on a molecular level. Such as where there was a body cell of mine, carrying a grievance or sickness from a bad life experience or abuse, the Lord would then apply, cell to cell, His atoning blood and sacrifice, and l would truly be healed in that place, and in that way, both physical and spiritually, thus bypassing the need to talk about it, or have any other form of modern therapeutic processes.
Now, think of this in a multiplied manner, where many cells are addressed, and you can begin to see where some real healing can be achieved. This is how the Lord worked in me, to help me heal more, emotionally and mentally, during this off medicine experience.
Now when I did finally get back on my medications, after 3 months of not being on them, after God communicating to me in no uncertain terms that I had to get back on them, and right then, I have seen a huge difference in my improvement. For I am no longer emotionally tied down to the emotional disabling baggage deficits I once had, and I an free to move forward.
For mentally, I was cognizant of, and could do much more, thus allowing me to be more successful in my life, dreams and ambitions. It was a slow, uphill battle to return to being stabilized, but once returning back to medications, and since then, it has been an upward, forward moving growth and trajectory path for me, and I love it. It’s not easy, but it’s worth every bit.
Because the brain damage is gone, and I’m also emotionally/mentally healthier, things are far, far better. I have discovered that I am smarter, wiser, and can comprehend and do much, much more than I ever could before.
Now, switching tracks back to these medications, which have to be strictly controlled, for an overdose of them will potentially have the same “high” effects as the “street” drug versions, but also be more deadly, because they are more potent. This is because they have more drug dosage in them, so they can last longer, over a longer time throughout the day, and are slow release. This is why people die when they “drug” overdose with these controlled medications.
The horrible thing about these substances from the illegal use side of things, is that the quick, intense, and fast high given to the brain chemistry on use, can have the effect of causing addiction, and mental illness concerns and problems.
Either way, illegal or controlled, these substances both have their negative effects on a person’s life. But at least for a person with mental illness, who when using controlled medications for their treatment, can get some sort of sanity, usually minus having emotional connections and relationships, they can live a fraction of the life they might, if things were different. For with mental illness, lack of emotional self connection, and thus relationships, and all the other quantifiers which make recovery virtually a lost cause, all the very things they need to succeed in life are striped away, and blocked from life for good, without the hope of renewal. Unless, they travel the road less traveled and fight.
Let’s face it, interpersonal connections are needed, which if had, friends and good relationships, would most likely add to an individual’s mental and emotional stability, and provide more of a strengthened recovery foundation for their road of health they are traveling on. But this usually isn’t the case, at least for me.
In my own circumstance, because I have full on legitimate mental illnesses, and in my personal opinion, the worst of the worst, yet am doing the best of the best, the only way in which I can ever expect to fully experience a whole, full and complete recovery and healing in this life, is if I were to continue on my medications, and work very, very, very hard, as I’ve been doing all along, while allowing God to carry me, and help me, and become as mentally and emotionally strong and healthy as I can possibly be, that I’d be placed in a situation and position, where I’d be in the presence of the first presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and have them place their hands upon my head, and pronounce upon me a priesthood blessing of healing. That within this profound blessing would also be pronounced the words, to “Not ever again take medications.” Then I’d be healed and free! But the only purpose I can see for that ever happening, is if I was to be seated before the first presidency, as part of being set apart as a further covenant and ordinance, in that of being called to serve the Lord, as an especial witness of Him.
So if you can begin to understand my thinking on this subject of the Lord’s continuous revelations to me concerning His will over me in the matter, for I’ve known about this calling since I was 14, before any actual mental illness problems ever evolved, but that’s also another story.
I know that the things I’ve struggle with, the Lord knows, and He also knows and has a way of reconciling my trials, while strengthening and teaching me at the same time. Pretty awesome how He works actually. I’m very grateful for the medications, and happy to have to take this cross, if it is my only means to properly prepare me to bless the lives of many others, through my journey and enduring example.
I hope I can be an advocate in the future for folks, maybe by being a public speaker or keynote, or even some sort of advocate or facilitator.
Something I have been pleasantly made aware of, is that even though I have severe mental challenges, and medication issues, I am still all here. Meaning, I am still Shane Robert Brown. Every part of who I am is still here with me, and I am physically trying to live out my spiritual life the way I can and am.
One other thing to note, is that because I’m always on a somewhat drug induced high, it’s more difficult to recognize having the Spirit, because as before stated, the Spirit activates the brain in the same areas as the drugs do, prescribed or otherwise. Thus, the pull for people to utilize and sell illegal drugs is high. Pun intended. They get the high, but without doing the work to get there.
But know also, that part of feeling the Spirit is also an emotional effect. For the Spirit speaks to our whole souls, both the heart, and mind. But the drugs only pull at the mind and brain, striping the sacred experience in half.
This is why I feel so blessed to have been emotionally healed as much as I have, to be able to recognize this, and to have some of these sacred feelings restored. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.