With God, All Things Are Possible
Before the barriers between God, Jesus and me were removed, I carried the stresses of all those around me, through means of being an “absorber,” or empath. This is as a result of the traumatic physiological, mind changing experiences I underwent at an early age, which caused this phenomenon.
Because of the issues caused from this, I had unavoidably put up barriers between me and deity, through choices as a child, having experienced major trauma at a very young age. Having suffered these when I was age three, six and seventeen, I was told by the Holy Ghost from God when I was six, that, “You are of utmost importance to my plan and kingdom here on the earth in these last days.”
I then told Him, “But you weren’t there for me! Go ahead and try to do it without me!”
Several things occurred from these indignities. I acquired four major mental illnesses, brain damage, and major insane emotional disturbances and baggage, all in a contorted, disturbing cocktail of difficulty, which compounded, and made life very arduous indeed.
Having these mental illnesses, evil spirits then also, had the ability to harass and torture me directly, and they did so. Mental illness itself is difficult, but when evil also has such a greater access to a person because of it, and the emotional baggage as well, and brain damage, all of these things twisted in the most horrendous mixes, made life very difficult for me.
This was all started out from the same source, a branch of a satanic cultist covert, in the form of a “family,” in the neighborhood where I grew up.
Because of this, and having been sucked into this “family” through their two boys, with fantasy and toys, and having been emotionally tied in to them because of the ritualistic abuse I suffered at age six, I tried to make friends with the enemy, thinking that in trying to fix them, I could also fix myself.
Not even remembering the abuse until I was at age 21, when my brain was more stabilized on medication, I had still felt that something was wrong, and this cycle of me trying to make myself well by changing them, is one of the reasons these cults abuse children this way in the first place. They know this phenomenon is very real, and it causes their “victims” to stay, and keep coming back to them.
Finally, at age seventeen, when my bishop told me he had angels speaking to him about me, I decided I needed to make the break away from them, still realizing that I was too much for my own family to handle, but seeing this as the better alternative for me, I did so.
Yet having been lured back over one last time to say goodbye at age seventeen, and to in and of myself show them that I was stronger than them, I was then knocked out through something they gave me in drink, and I was given through injection into the roof of my mouth, a poison which was intended to kill me.
Immediately on my way walking home, I felt my mind descend deeper and deeper, even until I arrived at home, wherein my mind was in utter darkness, even at all the resistance I tried to put up to stop it from doing so.
Since my recovery and up until now, being the 16th of May 2019, I had in essence tried living for the Lord, without Him, a very hard road indeed, and this is how I’ve had to live and function, after the choices I made, to live a more separate life from God’s grace and relationship.
Because of this, and not having the coping resources, I cut off in measure, an open, clear and direct correspondence between God and myself. I’ve had to not only bear my own griefs and stresses because of all I’ve been through, but also with this added type of separation, as well as my dilemma as outlined earlier, because of other laws and influences which exist and that be in motion, both good and bad, I also had to, by means of my mental illnesses and thinner veil, bear the weight of all these things, pertaining to God’s plan for me, and my role therein. This as well as all of those around me, as was stated, howbeit Christ did carry me, even at the peril of my non-acknowledge relationship. This at the bitterness of my own soul toward His, for at those times, I hated Him.
My help, although from Him, came at the hand of the Father, because I would not accept the Savior as a being in my life, but the Father I would.
As someone once explained it to me, this type of absorbing other’s stresses is a condition known as being an empath, which I know I am. This has been an extremely exhausting, rough and unbearable route to go, but necessary for me somehow.
As of today, I have been changed and have forgiven my Savior and Father, for even though my life had to play out this way, even a tougher road than imaginable, I realize that I have been in the wrong in not loving them, and have come to accept and love Them, regardless of the pathway they chose for me to tread, howbeit I chose to agree to this life. This is and can be a great blessing for me, and I would not have conceived it possible, but I’m glad that now I’m in Their direct care, and not “my own” anymore.